Disability How Mama Rolls Humor Life Writing

How Mama Rolls

4th January 2015

Hi, my name is (still) Lorna. My kid is just over six months old, and I don’t know how the hell that happened. No, I don’t need a Biology lesson. I need a drink.

This happens.

This happens.

I haven’t written anything longer than a Facebook update in well, six months. But yet, here I am.

Today, I found myself in a bookshop, wiping a booger off Isla’s face and then smearing it on my jeans. Is that some sort of parent achievement unlocked? Because, y’know, I didn’t have a cloth. And wiping a booger on the books would have been too gross.

As I write this, Isla is Tarzan-yelling, happily. Neil is putting together her new walker-thingy. I know I have a good deal. And for that, I’m grateful. (That doesn’t even cover it.) But I’m also tired. And hungry. And I really need to brush my hair. (That doesn’t even cover it.)

Back in the bookshop, we’re ready to pay, and then Isla starts Tarzan-yelling, unhappily. Usually, I kinda yell back until she gets confused and laughs. However, I know when this tactic won’t work. And this afternoon was one of those times.

Picture it, Isla there in her carrier, strapped to my front. Protesting like we stole her. I’m humming and jiggling. Almost dancing in my chair. And I don’t even need to pee. Instead, I’m mumbling, ‘Oh, Strumpet’ while hoping the line would freaking move already, and getting looks from people on it.

Yes, I’m the mother. No, she’s a girl. Yes, I know she’s wearing dinosaurs. No, please don’t touch my kid. Or pat me on the head.

We contemplate leaving the shop, and I’m near tears now, too. Because I feel bad for my kid. And because all I want to do is use book vouchers for books to read late at night, sandwiched between my husband and my child, who is really very patient. Until she isn’t.

I may have done laps around the place while Neil stood in line. And then, he’s there. With the books, and the promise of coffee. Like a beacon.

Isla is a fresh air freak like her mother; she slept on the stroll to coffee, but fired up again when we got inside. I made eye contact with another mother, who smiled at me.

‘Hi,’ I said. I wanted to ask for a hug.

Neil and I had coffee. The baby had some milk. All was quiet with the world.

And then I’m blowing zerberts on Isla’s face. Because it makes her laugh. And laughing is good. Laughing is gold.

I started writing this post a few hours ago. As of now, there’s a teething ring chilling in the fridge and the baby is asleep.

Maybe I should read a book. Or brush my hair.

IMG_0383

This happens, too.

You Might Also Like

No Comments

  • Reply becomingcliche 4th January 2015 at 1:45 am

    But you didn’t tell us what books you bought!
    Personal grooming is over-rated. there are more important things – like sleep and reading.

  • Reply becomingcliche 4th January 2015 at 1:49 am

    And I cannot believe that people would pat you on the head. I would have a hard time being polite.

  • Reply momocular 4th January 2015 at 3:08 am

    Laughing is gold. A good reminder. Thanks! 🙂

    • Reply LKD 4th January 2015 at 3:53 pm

      I thought the laughing thing was in the instruction book kids come with. 😉

  • Reply Christina Lawrence 4th January 2015 at 5:05 pm

    That is so recognisable! My kids are now 5 and 8 and although it does get better, there are other challenges when they get older. But I do have more time to do things for myself even if we are still not sleeping through the night…

    • Reply LKD 7th January 2015 at 11:57 pm

      I’ve been sitting here wondering if I should actually admit that Isla sleeps through the night. She does. Doesn’t nap during the day, though. And needs something new to do every ten minutes. So there’s that.

  • Reply Mary 4th January 2015 at 10:02 pm

    I was dying!! Been there. Glad I found your blog, I am looking forward to reading more!

    • Reply LKD 6th January 2015 at 12:35 am

      Glad I found you, too, Mary. Nice to meet you!

  • Reply mylifeisthebestlife 5th January 2015 at 7:52 pm

    Aren’t the first few months (years?) just a dazzling blur of laughter, Tarzan, and boogers? Have a drink, read a book, and promise yourself that you’ll brush your hair tomorrow!

    • Reply LKD 6th January 2015 at 12:37 am

      Excellent advice, my friend. Good to see you again!

  • Reply thoughtsappear 8th January 2015 at 8:13 pm

    Scout is always wiping her snot on my shirt. But I’ll take that tiny bit of snot over the insane amounts of spit up from when she was just a couple months old.

  • Reply lostnchina 10th January 2015 at 5:26 am

    I’ve not been here in a while and so happy to see your latest addition. So happy for you and your husband! Happy 2015!

  • Reply Blog of the Day: Gin and Lemonade | Suzie Speaks 15th October 2017 at 12:55 pm

    […] you up to speed, Sarge has always been Neil and we got married in 2013.  Our daughter Isla was born in 2014, and we still call her Zerbert. […]

  • Leave a Reply

    Subscribe

    Follow Gin & Lemonade

    https://my.hellobar.com/6d4372e4167043e96d4bd7cae1cc9de0bf0c2ae8.js
    %d bloggers like this: