Dear Frustrated Writer, I see you. I get you. I am you. And if I’m not you, I miss reading your words. You want to write. But you’re too busy, too stressed. There aren’t enough hours in the day. And oh look, Netflix. You got a rejection letter. You suck at this (you don’t, though). You’re writing at the edge of your desk. You don’t even have a desk. You write on your lap. On the bus. When your kid…
I’m writing to explain why I did not submit my story for your esteemed competition. It’s because I suck. And because I have a toddler. And because the story has only one line. ‘Whose idea was this?’ Well, mine. And I was very excited about it. Until the week I had to write the story was the one week my husband had to work in his city office. Which meant he wasn’t here to ply me with White Russians until…
I didn’t make it to my personal training session on Wednesday. I’d spent the night before with a throwing up bug, which won over my throwing up phobia at least six times. At about 4 in the morning, I thought it’d be a stellar idea to sleep in the bathroom. Instead, I went back to bed and spooned with Freddy The Fuck It Bucket. Named after what I yelled out right before I spewed into it. It gave me some…
Dear Readers/supporters of our mawidge, And so, on Friday, Sarge and I were sitting around talking wedding music with my Dad and Anne. Our song is ‘The Book of Love’, and that’s what I’d like to walk/roll/whatever down the aisle to. (We’d like to get piped out after the deed is done, but that’s possibly another post.) The thing is this. I like the Peter Gabriel version: And Sarge likes the Magnetic Fields’ original: And so so, we…
What follows is the text of the letter going along with CJ to her vet’s visit today: Hi, This is CJ. She’s 9. She’s being re-homed up North, due to my boyfriend’s allergies. We used to live on a farm, but she’s been a flat-cat since 2005, when we moved to Glasgow. She is third-generation feral, and she was fixed when she was a year old. I believe she had shots at that time. She needed a booster when we…
