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Hemingway Thinks I Should Be More Interesting

3rd November 2011

I talk to my computer.  Depending on my mood, my headset and speech recognition are optional.   When I’m not apologising  for the coffee stains, procrastinating, shall we say, positively willing it to hurry up, or punching the keys, I’m dictating.  And sometimes, I’m misquoted.  Hemingway thinks I should be more interesting.  Or grammatically incorrect.

Some recent examples are:

I Said:  She wished she could speak French like French people.

He Heard:  She wished she could speak Brent like I was winners.

I Said: Quick and mysterious

He Heard:  Quaking and WRONG

I Said:  There was nothing mysterious about her.

He Heard:   There was nothing is doing well.

I Said:  She worked in a flower shop, and had a cat.

He Heard:  In working order and bed-head (found poetry?)

I said:  Whose idea was death-metal first thing in the morning?

He Heard:  Who’s idea was death-metal first thing in the morning?  (Interesting)

I said:  She stole her lipstick.

He heard:  She stole her relative’s take. (More interesting)

Has your computer ever misquoted you?

try again

Image by Sean MacEntee via Flickr

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  • Reply joem18b 3rd November 2011 at 6:35 pm

    I called in to refill a prescription yesterday and was asked to enter the rx number. Each time that I did so, the computer on the other end added a digit somewhere in the number:

    me: 987445
    computer: 9877445

    me: 987445
    computer: 9874455

    After four of these, it gave up and turned me over to a human.

  • Reply hollyjb 3rd November 2011 at 7:19 pm

    I suck at grammar. Thank you, now I know it’s whose instead of who’s :P. These were way to weird! Most didn’t even resemble what you said at all *insert ‘thank you Captain Obvious’ here*.

    • Reply LKD 3rd November 2011 at 7:30 pm

      Thing is, my accuracy is either really high, or not.

  • Reply RuthG 3rd November 2011 at 8:39 pm

    What a hoot! It would be kinda mesmerizing to just sit there dictating to Hemingway all day, to see how he would render it.

  • Reply Colleen 3rd November 2011 at 9:21 pm

    Ha, I misquote myself enough without the computer throwing in it’s 2 cents. I’d say I mispell my own first name more often than I get it right.

  • Reply John 3rd November 2011 at 10:02 pm

    Read the words and hear them in the voice of Andy Rooney. “J’ever notice how when you spell check a document that contains lots of people’s proper names that every time it highlights a name it thinks is mispelled and you click on alternatives, that the computer seems to instinctively know who the bad guys are amongst your friends and work colleagues? Like Dave Schwartz/damn shite, and Steve Allen/thief Allan. I’ve learned to trust the pc’s instincts.”

    • Reply LKD 4th November 2011 at 10:47 am

      I’ve learned…

      Love,

      Lauren (Oops, damn!)

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