Humor Life Writing

Where Everybody Knows Your Business

19th March 2018

And so, over the weekend the fam and I went on road-trip to celebrate Neil’s birthday and to mark my 25th year in Scotland.  More about that later.  Our car is still in the garage after the last road-trip, so we piled into our red replacement and went in search of seafood.

The music in the car was CD 3 of our wedding mix.  The music that played during the cocktail hour.  Did I mention we missed our own reception?  We were too busy looking for accessible photo ops around Edinburgh’s Old Town.  I’m still sorry we missed out, but the Japanese tourists were intrigued.

My point is, we still revisit the wedding through the music we put together in the weeks before.

Isla knows all our songs already.  She sings them back to us, which is the full circle or something.

But I digress.

The search for seafood continued.  We found ourselves in the same pub we were in when we made the decision to move up here.

Neil pulled me backwards through the door (as is our dance), and Isla lead the way to our table (as is her dance).

She ordered pizza and orange juice and I broke my no-eyes-still-in-it rule by ordering langoustine.

Now.  Stupid, pointless fact time.  I find shellfish inaccessible, but I still order it.

Just so happened that I wasn’t the only one having trouble opening their giant shrimp.  Someone else asked her partner to help her.

He said no.

At that point, my husband got up and opened mine.

Neil sets up my food sometimes.  Because cutting and peeling sometimes means my food ends up on the floor.  I mostly order easy food, but I also always order what I actually want to eat.

So, sometimes he helps me.  Not because he is an extra-special husband (even though he is, but I would say that.)  But because he is a smart husband who knows that a hangry wife is an interesting beast.

And no, he doesn’t peel my grapes.  Because people have asked that, too.  I wouldn’t ask him to.  That’s just dumb.

Anyway, the three of us toasted Neil’s birthday and my 25th Scotland anniversary (Yes, the same day.  Time is weird.)

We ate and this Scottish song came on the radio.  Which for me is right up there with this one.  And this one.

’25 years, man,’ I said to Neil.

We left the pub after Isla shouted, ‘Hello! Can I have some more orange juice, please?’

At least she’s got manners.  No need to comment on my very vocal child, entire table at the back.  Hi.

We drove home and our juiced up daughter fell asleep in the back of the car.  We went around again.

Isla spent the night at my Dad’s and Neil bought us Scottish gin.  I told Instagram it was to celebrate his birthday and my 25 years in Scotland.


Later on, my trips down memory lane caught up with us.

‘How old were you when you landed?’

‘Twelve.  Nearly thirteen.’

‘Aye, so that’s actually 24 years.’

‘How?’ I asked.  ‘I’m going to be 37.’

But you’re 36, still.  That’s 24 years.’

‘Well, shit.  You didn’t marry me for my Math.  Thank you, arsehole, my practical husband.’



And so, I have entered my 25th year here.  Apparently.

Time is weird.


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  • Reply Chomeuse with a Chou 19th March 2018 at 12:40 pm

    My maths is abysmal so I will never criticise any mistakes made by anyone else! Congratulations and happy anniversary 🙂

  • Reply Nicole 19th March 2018 at 12:44 pm

    I moved here when I was 14 and a half. Such an awkward age to make a big move. This November will mark the 30th anniversary. I still don’t feel I’m from here, but basically I guess I am. I’ve spent nearly half my life living on this very street.

    Anya peels Kai’s grapes. It’s adorable. And also necessary, as he cannot chew the grape skins; if you leave them on, he spits them on the floor.

    Math(s) is overrated. Says the English major.

    Happy anniversary! Happy birthday to Neil! My boys celebrated their 3rd and 33rd birthdays on the 18th. Big weekend all around.

    • Reply Lorna 19th March 2018 at 1:49 pm

      I keep meaning to wish your dudes happy birthdays. My issue is a can’t beleive Kai is 3. <3

  • Reply lynnefisher 19th March 2018 at 2:05 pm

    Happy Anniversary! I’m coming up to 20 years in Scotland in the next few months, with my hubby too. Love the Caledonia song, and Dougie Maclean kind of brought me to the Borders because I was listening to his music down south when we were hankering to move north.Cheers!

  • Reply johnrieber 19th March 2018 at 2:57 pm

    Great story – thanks for sharing, I’ll think of it the next time I see a glass of orange juice!

  • Reply josypheen 19th March 2018 at 4:27 pm

    I love that you guys still listen to your wedding CD, especially as you missed that part of the wedding reception!

    This is such a sweet post.Happy birthday Neil and happy 24th year in Scotland!!

    • Reply Lorna 19th March 2018 at 4:50 pm

      We have 4 wedding mixes. One of them was playing during my C-section with Isla. Now it’s road-trip music. The Wedding and The Beatles. 🙂

  • Reply thebeasley 19th March 2018 at 7:15 pm

    Well congratulations on both your wedding anniversary and your 24th Scottish anniversary! I also love that you still listen to your Wedding music. I did for the first year of marriage and then I got bored of it haha.

    • Reply Lorna 19th March 2018 at 7:29 pm

      It was Neil’s birthday. We got married in June. 🙂

      • Reply thebeasley 19th March 2018 at 7:31 pm

        Ha yes you clearly said that. I get confused easily ?HAPPY BIRTHDAY NEIL!

        • Reply Lorna 19th March 2018 at 7:35 pm

          It’s all good. He says he’s not counting anymore, anyway.

      • Reply thebeasley 19th March 2018 at 7:32 pm

        Ha yes you clearly said. I get confused easily ?. HAPPY BIRTHDAY NEIL!

  • Reply Thewanderingdarlings 19th March 2018 at 8:20 pm

    Congrats on 24 years!! Such a long time! Hilarious that you had the wrong year. Totally something I would do. Hope you guys had fun celebrating!

    • Reply Lorna 19th March 2018 at 8:25 pm

      Thanks, Mel! Funny is good.

  • Reply fancypaperblog 20th March 2018 at 1:08 pm

    I bet your weddings pics were beautiful though ☺

    • Reply Lorna 20th March 2018 at 1:11 pm

      The official ones, not so much. I’m glad we have the video.

      • Reply fancypaperblog 21st March 2018 at 9:50 pm

        We never collected our video. Five years ago!

  • Reply You Can Always Start Now 21st March 2018 at 10:05 am

    Any chance to get out and celebrate! Playing the music was such a cool idea – love it.

    • Reply Lorna 21st March 2018 at 10:09 am

      Road-trip music is a less a cool idea and more a way of life.

  • Reply Little Mayfly 21st March 2018 at 10:10 am

    I’ve always wanted to visit Scotland!! One day, one day!!

  • Reply englishwithkirsty 21st March 2018 at 10:13 am

    Sounds like you had a lovely day to celebrate – you’ll have to do it all again when it’s really 25 years lol! It took getting a partner for me to finally accept help with setting up food. I don’t need it most of the time, but things like removing bones or skin are difficult. In the past I’ve just stubbornly gone hungry, but that’s harder to hide when you actually live with someone and they really know that you wanted that chicken!

  • Reply Karalee 21st March 2018 at 3:54 pm

    Happy birthday to your husband & to 24/25 years in Scotland haha. It sounds like you had a great time ?

  • Reply gemmaorton 21st March 2018 at 5:12 pm

    Depending on who I’m out with and where I am decides if I order easy food or not. Mostly I like easy food anyway. Never spaghetti when out. I eat a sandwich with a fork, and crisps, and almost everything. I do get some looks! Tell me something that’s on your wedding mix?

    • Reply Lorna 21st March 2018 at 5:56 pm

      One song off the top of my head is Songs of Love, which is also the Father Ted theme song.

  • Reply Losing the Plot 21st March 2018 at 8:12 pm

    Ha! I love this! I had to read the ‘hangry wife’ paragraph to my husband who also roared laughing – he’s familiar with the same concept.

    Happy anniversaries 🙂

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