Coffee Talk Humor Life

Cheesy Love Songs

25th September 2018
Isla and the peace sign (Photo by Lorna at

And so, I’d been watching Isla sleep. In a non-creepy way. When Neil’s away, we have a GIANT SLEEPOVER and she crashes out sideways on my bed. On the days I wake up without her elbow in my stomach or her toe up my nose, I have the benefit of seeing her open her eyes. On Neil’s side of the bed.

Isla and the peace sign (Photo by Lorna at

I think she gets it from me.

Isla opens her eyes on Friday morning, ‘Happy Daddy Day,’ she says.

I’d texted Neil the night before. Even though we clocked up 4,963 texts in the first six months of our relationship, I only text him when he’s away now.

ONE MORE SLEEP, I wrote on Thursday night.

On Friday morning, indeed there were NO MORE SLEEPS.

The intrepid Software Engineer was coming back, fleeing a named storm for plain old windy weather.

I had no trouble getting Isla out the door that day, but first I had to peel her off the walls from excitement.

My Dad came in to drive her to school, and he asked if she had everything ready to go.

‘Yes, but we’re not talking about that now, Campah. Because after school my Daddy comes home.’

And out they went.

There’s an eerie kind of quiet when Isla leaves the house.

Did I write?


Did I watch TV?


What I did, dear readers, was eat cheese.

You see, my husband HATES cheese. Whenever he’s away, Isla and I eat A LOT of cheese.

I miss him the first few days, but I also hoard dairy. When it gets to the end of a stint, I calculate how many hours it would take to watch 600 hours of Gilmore Girls while eating lasagne and cheese and cheese crackers with a side of cheese sauce.

For the good of my marriage. Or something.

Isla comes home, and eats a cheese sandwich for lunch.

‘Hurry up, so we can get Daddy. He’s coming home.’

‘That’s not good,’ she says, chomping. ‘I want to eat more cheese.’

We took a road trip picnic and drove with my PA (again not as glamorous as it sounds) to the train station, by way of a playpark with terrain like quicksand and a zipline thing that made me nervous.

But Isla had fun. So, y’know.

The only thing that beat FIVE MORE MINUTES was DAD O’CLOCK.

You’d think my kid was fickle. But she’s four.

We met Neil off the train, with Isla running down the platform.

I tried not to nag him too much on the way home, but I got a few things in. He threw books at me, so we’re good.

He also brought home Belgian beer that reminds me of our honeymoon. We sat around after Isla reluctantly went to bed.

And then. The next morning I couldn’t get out of bed. No particular reason, except I didn’t particularly want to. Isla came in a dumped her giant penguin on our heads, and Neil brought me coffee in bed.

However. I’m not coordinated enough to drink anything in bed, so I got into my chair and drank it. It’s the thought that counts. No, really.

And then. I had a massage. Now. When I was younger, I got massages with essential oils and Enya playing in the background. That was nice.

Now my massages are for maintenance and stretching. Apparently, I have deep tissues. That’s neat.

I also have back pain, which I honestly didn’t know was a thing for me, until  I felt the absence of it. So there’s monthly maintenance massages. That works.

I didn’t write much that day.

I tried the next day, though.

Isla thinks she is Isla Knievel , so on Sunday Neil took her out on her bike. Then they came home and we watched Secret Life of Pets because Sunday is FAMILY MOVIE DAY.

Yesterday was school picture day. My kid is old enough to have school pictures taken. She was old enough last year, and it keeps happening. How?

On the way home from school drop off, I was feeling touchy and teary. I forgot that Neil just got home after a week and therefore I was trying not to nag him.

We had an argument (never mind about what, what are they ever about?) and I came in and blasted show-tunes and channelled my inner halfway out theater geek.


Somewhere in the vortex of internet autoplay, I ended up listening to the Dirty Dancing soundtrack.

Now. Shock-horror or whatever, but I never cared much for the actual movie.


THE DIRTY DANCING SOUNDTRACK WAS MY LIFE. Or what I imagined my life to be as a kid.

I’m in the middle of Time of My Life, and Neil comes out to make tea. Because he’s a weirdo.

And there we are purposefully not speaking to each other, because we’re mad and it’s DUMB.

But that song is on. It was awkward.


‘I um, didn’t plan the song,’ I offered. ‘But, y’know, epic movie moment. Hi.’

‘Are you saying I look like Patrick Swayze?’

‘In certain lights, maybe,’ I said.

‘Like no lights,’ we said. At the same time. We do that, because we’re married. And we’re funny. OK, maybe not that funny.

But, ice broken.

He makes me a coffee before he goes back to work. That’s better than dance moves.

And we’re back.

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  • Reply jefftcann 25th September 2018 at 2:41 pm

    Awww, When I met my wife, her standard boast was “I look like a supermodel in the dark.” I thought she looked like a supermodel most of the time, but this is about you, not me. I like your relationship with Isla.

  • Reply Nicole 25th September 2018 at 2:55 pm

    ‘I want to eat more cheese.’ I literally LOLed. Startled Kai, it was so OL.

    When I get mad at R (or mad in general, but let’s be honest here), I clean. Loudly and violently. He always thinks I’m mad because the house is dirty, so he pitches in and helps. Which makes me madder, because I’m being a martyr and he’s ruining it. But by the time I cool off, the house is super clean, so I can’t bring myself to complain (much). There’s a blog article in that for sure, but he reads my blog, so I can’t write it or I’ll end up living in squalor.

    Married life is fun, isn’t it?

    • Reply rivergirl1211 25th September 2018 at 6:40 pm

      I hate when they ruin our martyrdom. These things are well planned and executed for maximum effect. Pitching in and helping? That’s just rude.

      • Reply Lorna 25th September 2018 at 8:32 pm

        Neil proofreads for me, I can’t see my own typos. So, he knows what he’s getting, ha!

  • Reply Rebecca Moon Ruark 25th September 2018 at 2:55 pm

    I love this so much. Tearing up right now with the sweetness. That is marriage and family, isn’t it? I would say “lovely” but I know you hate that. I won’t say “precious,” because I hate that.

    • Reply Lorna 25th September 2018 at 3:59 pm

      Precious is OK, unless it’s ugly baby precious.

  • Reply Melissa | Mint Tea and Elephants 25th September 2018 at 3:58 pm

    Lovely family you’ve got here except the part where Neil HATES cheese! Like in CAPS?? Cheese is life! Wait…now I know how people feel when I say I HATE coffee 🤣🤣. Isla is rocking her fashion ensemble, 10/10. I loved Dirty Dancing for Patrick Swayze. Man, he could shimmy. The theme song was played on radio here to the point where I didn’t want to hear it again, but years later, it still holds up as one of the most romantic songs ever. No wonder you couldn’t stay mad while it was playing.

    • Reply Lorna 25th September 2018 at 4:01 pm

      It’s like a phobia. I kinda pretend he’s lactose intolerant.

      • Reply Melissa | Mint Tea and Elephants 25th September 2018 at 4:03 pm

        Ahahahaha! My dad was lactose intolerant and we always knew when he was stealing cheese. He’d get this weird cough, but he’d never admit he ate the cheese! Let Neil know that my dad suffered for his cheese. LMAO!!

  • Reply rivergirl1211 25th September 2018 at 6:36 pm

    I’m new here, so please explain why you can’t eat cheese in front of your husband. Who carees if he doesn’t like it? Unless he has a life threatening allergic reaction to being in the same room as a good Stilton…. eat your cheese! Marriages have broken up over smaller matters than this. Cheese is life!

    • Reply Lorna 25th September 2018 at 7:00 pm

      You’d be forgiven for thinking that I could, but dude goes apeshit around cheese. The run around screaming kind, not the angry kind. My half Italian mother suggests hypnosis, but that hasn’t happened yet.

      • Reply rivergirl1211 25th September 2018 at 8:02 pm

        Yes on the hypnosis. And blindfolds. And a panic room if necessary….

  • Reply Ritu 25th September 2018 at 7:15 pm

    Thusis just too cute!
    I livl the not obvious live mimemiments… But how can he not like CHEESE!!!

    • Reply Lorna 25th September 2018 at 8:04 pm

      I KNOW…some of that, ha! x

      • Reply Ritu 25th September 2018 at 9:03 pm

        Can you tell I wrote that on my phone! OMG the fat thumbs!!!!!!!

  • Reply Losing the Plot 26th September 2018 at 8:41 pm

    All picture no sound, I’m familiar with this 😉

  • Reply Debbie Harris 29th September 2018 at 12:36 pm

    I enjoy reading your posts so much, they’re real and human- just like you!

  • Reply Jennifer 1st November 2018 at 10:47 am

    Love the cheese but seriously he hates it so much you can’t even have it in the house? That’s strange.

    • Reply Lorna 1st November 2018 at 10:52 am

      I can, but I don’t enjoy it, ha! Isla likes to to wave cheese in his face sometimes. That’s funny for us. Not strange, just him. He has other redeeming qualities.

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