Coffee Talk Disability Humor Life Writing

Christmas Coffee With The Grinch

24th December 2016

If we were having coffee, I’d introduce you to our new as yet unnamed coffee machine.

As an early Christmas present from me to us, the coffee machine Neil bought me when we first started dating has been upgraded to something from the future. Actually, I think we should call it Jetson.

What sort of um, coffee experience would you like?

My favourite so far is a mild double-shot medium-hot latte.

In my house.

What can I get you?

After you figure that out, I’d show you the Christmas tree we put up two weeks ago.

It doesn’t look like that anymore. Isla likes to hide the decorations on us. You might be sitting on one right now.

If we were having coffee I’d tell you we took Isla to see Santa last weekend. It was in the midst of shopping, everyone was in a bad mood, and Santa might have called me the Grinch.

Before we’d lined up, Isla had a tantrum in a coffee shop because they’d run out of orange juice. It was kinda my fault.

We’d been staying in a hotel the night before. It was 300 degrees in the room, so I drank our not really endless supply of OJ that we drag around where ever we go.

We arrived to the mall early. So early, most places were still closed. Except the coffee place with no OJ.

I’m sitting there sipping what just might be the best latte I’ve ever had outside of my house. And my kid is refusing perfectly good apple juice. Because it isn’t orange. I feel kinda bad. I give her my breakfast, because hers doesn’t include anything that is orange juice.

It escalates. I tell her to calm down. Once. And then I don’t say much else. I figure she’ll fizzle out soon enough. But I’m getting looks. I can tell, because if one eye is looking at you, my other eye is looking at someone in New Jersey.

It’s useful. And it doesn’t distract me unless I notice someone looking back at me. Like last weekend. Like I am a horrible mother.

So I turn my head and this woman gets both my eyes. ‘Does she look abused, though?’ I ask.

The woman says nothing.

Neil and I count to ten with Isla and then I ask if she’s done.

‘Yeah,’ Isla says. And we high-five.

And then Isla kind of launches herself at me like she does these days. Because I’m a horrible mother.

As we are leaving, the staring woman offers to help me. ‘No thanks. But Merry Christmas,’ I say.

We are in line to see a grumpy looking Santa. Isla won’t sit with him and I want to leave. Somehow, we all end up sitting for the photo.

‘Bahumbug,’ I said. Sorry, not sorry.

‘No wonder Isla’s in a bad mood. Mum’s the Grinch.’

‘Screw you, Santa,’ I mumbled. And the photo was done.

We left, and I may have cried all the way to the toy store. Because I’m a horrible mother. Obviously. Not really.

Do you want more coffee?

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  • Reply Nicole 24th December 2016 at 1:49 pm

    I slept from 10:30 to 12:30, and have been up ever since. I don’t drink coffee, but I would absolutely drink coffee with you today. What’s it gonna do — make me not sleep?

    I spent most of yesterday in tears, and the day before in an overworked mommy rage. So I think I have you beat in the Grinch department. If that helps.

    My kids forgive me, though. Kids are great like that. Better than judgy people in shops, certainly.

    • Reply LKD 24th December 2016 at 1:55 pm

      This is me hugging you. I got your card. Keep meaning to thank you. So, thank you. Need to get us and all our people in the same room. Stuff from other people doesn’t usually get to me, but no one sees the stuff that leads up to the stuff they see. And that sucks, sometimes. Isla loves me. That works.

  • Reply Pamela Morse 24th December 2016 at 4:32 pm

    Thanks for the coffee. This Santa experience sounds dreadful…the stressful trimmings can make the whole time a huge drag. Wish you a merrier time this weekend.

    • Reply LKD 24th December 2016 at 4:36 pm

      It’s what memories are made of, ha. Same to you!

  • Reply bettylouise31 24th December 2016 at 9:50 pm

    You never know how Kids react when they out in public. So many people have different views on child raising. No orange juice a problem. Have a pleasant trip.

  • Reply Rowena 27th December 2016 at 12:27 pm

    I’m sending you and Isla loads of hugs. Been there. Still have our moments, although the kids are now 12 and 10. I firmly believe that it takes a village to raise a child and yet you’d be surprised how some -people you turn to for help in the village, will turn their backs when kids become difficult. We’ll be your village as long as your kid sits still, colours in between the lines and keeps their hands to themselves. My kids haven’t been great on that front although my daughter colours in well and get quite particular about things.
    Keep in mind that older women who offer help or are watching are not necessarily judging you but have walked in your shoes and would like to help. Sometimes, a stranger can be a mood changer…or make things worse.
    Take care and I hope you and the family had a wonderful Christmas.
    xx Rowena

  • Reply thatblogwherecheriemovestogermany 14th December 2017 at 9:59 am

    I would drink coffee with you any day of the week. Then you could meet my daughters and I would apologize. Because you would then know that daughters continue to make you cry at times and make you feel like a horrible mother(mine daughters are 18 and 22).

    • Reply Lorna 14th December 2017 at 10:07 am

      Other people do more than she does. But I’ve decided they need to get over themselves. But YES to coffee. Anytime.

  • Reply Bryntin 14th December 2017 at 11:15 am

    Judging is that thing you imagine other people are doing. Probably they’re not, but if they are, sod ’em.

    Unless the other person is a Judge. In which case, probably best not to sod ’em.

  • Reply Fronie 14th December 2017 at 11:30 am

    How adorable. We haven’t even made it to see Santa yet. It may have been a tough day but it was a memorable day.

  • Reply fattymccupcakes 14th December 2017 at 4:25 pm

    I really hope this summer I’ll be able to drink coffee with you for real!!

    • Reply Lorna 14th December 2017 at 4:36 pm

      Plan on it. Seriously.

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