Now Isla wants glittery ones. Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com
And so, a few days ago I was thinking about writing while eating a root beer Dum Dum lollipop.
Thinking about writing is pretty much my natural state. Working on, y’know, actually writing more. Stick with me.
The Dum Dum was a nostalgic addition courtesy of a recent care package from my mother. It contains too many E numbers, and two handheld gamimg devices.
Isla, at four, is apparently behind her peers in the use of gadgets that are not her mother’s phone.
Cue Nana. Nana lives in the phone, and as such is allowed to throw pounds of sugar and Mario Bros at my kid.
Thanks, Ma.
Our sudden abundance of American candy brings about conversations like this:
Isla: Mumma, if I can taste the root beer, you can try my watermelon.
Me: Before you try this, I must give you a life lesson. This root beer deliciousness will change your life.
Isla: Try my watermelon. It won’t change your life.
Isla thinks the root beer ones taste ‘odd’.
Well.
More for me.
See, that was us bonding. Sharing the same sense of humor. Checking in with each other. Enjoying each other.
We do that a lot.
Blink and you’ll miss it.
Enjoy your children.
You can live after they leave home.
Please don’t tell me to enjoy my kid. Because I already do. Telling me to do something I already do, every day, so much, makes this anxious mother more anxious.
But please let parents complain about the tantrum in the restaurant (no ice-cream) , or at the circus (she’s not a trained tight-rope walker) or in the supermarket (the Lucky Charms are mine).
Let us talk about all that without reminding us that we will miss it. That we must remember all the things and write down all the things. But not until they’re 18.
Because until then we belong to them.
Now, listen. My best friend is four years old.
I love my kid. I love her so much that I want to have another one and then I can pretend I don’t have a favorite.
I love her so much that I miss her when she sleeps. Because I’m not sleeping. Too busy thinking of how I should be enjoying her.
How I’m not enough. How last week toast dipped in egg was entirely acceptable, this week it’s obviously NOT.
Am I enjoying her? I enjoyed her today, right? Does she know that I love her?
Did she enjoy me? That’s a better question to ask.
REMEMBER THAT.
Because yes, my kid deserves a mother who loves her. And likes her. She has one. That’s me.
But she also deserves a mother who is her own person. Someone who does her own thing. And then comes back refreshed, and recharged.
With a few more brain cells and lollipops to share.
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59 Comments
So much yes and can I get an amen?!?!?
I forgot hashtag-blessed.
The kids will never believe this, but I truly don’t have a favorite. They are both my favorites. Sometimes even at the same time. (And sometimes neither of them is my favorite. But thankfully those times are few and far between.)
If 43T was still thing, Get The Kids Together would be on the list.
Lovely post .. I’m so happy that every tiny moment you are enjoying life with your four year old.
Mine are 20 and 18 now!!
Well, OK. But the snacks are still mine.
Tee hee ?
OHMYGOD YES! It’s like, how much of a wanker do you think I am that you feel the need to tell me to enjoy my child when she is literally the best thing to ever happen to me. It’s so fucking patronising. One of my pet hates.
Also, this.
I’ll try not to say that to parents!
LOVE this. And you. Obviously. :-* Preach sister.
Reading yours made it OK to write mine!
Great perspective! And why is it that we all covet candy until the moment when we are free to choose to buy anything we want, and suddenly the urge is gone? Oh, that’s right, we’ve replaced that with something more rewarding, like a nice glass of wine!
Wine gives me heartburn. Beer is good, though.
Great post, Lorna! You hit the nail on the head with this one. 🙂
Thank you, Lisa. It scares me a little to have it up, but it’s the truth.
Yes it is. <3
Love it! I don’t have my own kids yet, but I’m all about parents loving their kids – but having their own lives too. You don’t have to be okay with your child every second of the day; just enjoy it the best you can. It’s fine.
-Lauren
http://www.shootingstarsmag.net
So, I won’t ever give you random bulls**t advice like that as I don’t have kids, so I’m not allowed. 😀 (I don’t think anyone ever told me to enjoy my cat btw!!)
But, can i comment on root beer? I thought it’d be amazing after hearing so many American friends really miss it while we were in Japan. I was excited to try it…and then when i got around to it, I have to admit, I wasn’t impressed! It tastes like cola mixed with toothpaste! Do you really like that!?
I LOVE IT! But I think IRN-BRU tastes like orange bubble gum and I hate it. So, acquired tastes and all that.
Lol I’m not a fan of the BRU either…but I assumed I’d have to like it if I ever move to Scotland. Did they not check that at the boarder!?
ORANGE BUBBLEGUM. That’s it. I couldn’t figure out how to describe the flavor until this! That’s EXACTLY how it tastes. I love it, though ?
This makes me feel better. Especially when I’ve been on my laptop and I begin to feel guilty. I wish there was a chart that told you how many hours you need to spend with your child so they don’t become murderers.
Isla tells me Write, Mumma, if I’m at the laptop and y’know, not writing.
I agree with this more than anyone can ever know. Xx right on
Orla, we should do lunch! x
You’ve got it spot on again Lorna! So first I WILL have that moan – the message from number 2 son yesterday morning from a music festival in Spain….the one that he couldn’t manage to let us know he had got to safely, but as soon as his money was stolen he remembered he has parents!!! Or son number 1 who has moved back home (scrap 18 summers…more like twenty something!) and suddenly can’t remember how to empty a dish washer, use the washing machine or buy food. Or the lovely girl who is currently painting a pic for a surprise fro some old family friends, but is leaving paint, brushes and mess all over the house, and still hasn’t started packing to go away with friends tomorrow. BUT….much as they drive me mad, and as they have got older it has just changed not got easier…..am I proud? Damned right I am – son 1 setting up a start up and just got a £100,000 investment; son 2….let me think on that!! lovely girl – my best friend! Will I miss her for the next 2 weeks she is away in Greece? Just every day. But do i look forward to a few hours by myself? Hell yes – at times I feel so trapped at home since the health issues have worsened – but the time out allows me to be how did you put it “a mother who is her own person….does her own thing” – always have and I hope I always will! Wow….almost a whole post for you ha, ha, ha x
Claire, I love you and your rambles. Ramble on! And I hope you are enjoying these two weeks!
xxxx
My kids are in their early teen years, and even though hormones dictate how a day will go (heck, how fifteen minutes will go), I enjoy them fully — but I do so with more eye-rolling and heavy sighs. 😉
Here’s the thing: when the next kid comes along, you *won’t* have a favourite. somehow your heart just doubles in size. and you’ll have two best friends. but yeah, kids have many aspect to their personalities and whilst my strongest feeling towards them is love, there’s many a time when I need to rant about them, and that’s OK too. if I hear about 18 summers again I will lose my sh*t.
This is SO relatable! Thanks for the reminder that I’m not alone!
Lol…my neighbor who has adult children tell me constenly, “please enjoy my children” I can totoally relate.
Love this! You are exactly right.
I love your thoughts. My kids are now 32, 19, and 18, and I can honestly look back and say that I *did* enjoy my kids when they were young, and I don’t long for those days. I just try to be present in the moment, whatever their age or stage. (But that also includes me time and couple time)
This is so true. I enjoyed my kids and now I’m doing the same raising the grandkids.
Great article and truths! If you love your kids no one should tell you “how” to love them. Mine is 23 right now and sometimes I miss the much younger years, or teenage years, but then I remember as problematic as they seemed at the time it all came out OK. She’s a great kid and I’d like to think I was and still am a great mom.
As a boy-mom, I never felt bad for taking time for me…doing things for me. The testosterone wore me down…needed a smidge of estrogen…pedicures, cut & color, manicure, mask, facial. I feel like neglecting myself is neglecting my kids. When mom’s angry, everyone hides!
The Lucky Charms are MINE!!! Great post!
I love this! I agree, it makes me anxious or even angry when people tell me to enjoy my kids, because even though I love them more than anything in this world, some days they drive me crazy and I look forward to the next stage. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy them, and I for sure won’t miss the tantrums, haha!
This hits on so many levels!
Funny how so many people feel they can/should give unsolicited advice to parents about their kids. I don’t think anyone has ever tried to do that to me about my cats….
I hear ya! I have an eight-year-old and a twenty-year-old. We’re all doing the best we can!
I love your sense of humor!
I am thinking about the time my kids moving out, thats is so sad, house will feel empty, so I think it is important to spend time and interact with the kids for every little things.
I love that she told you the watermelon won’t change your life. I don’t have kids, but will keep this in mind for when we do!
I am an anxious mother too. I have Cats in the Cradle on auto reply in my mind, and have for the last 20 years. I love my kids, I adore them, and I work to spend time with each, and now my grandbabies. It is not easy, but so worth it. What a sweet relationship you have with your little one.
Me, too. And I’d swear she looks older every day. Thank you, she really is awesome, and I wrote this because I do enjoy her.
I totally agree! I love my kids but also want to be my own person (with my own snacks).
Even with three, I don’t have a favorite. Enjoy those root beer lollipops – I’m a huge fan myself.
I’d send you some, but it’s the first flavor that’s totally gone. Blue raz to follow.
YES!!! This is so true!
Love this post, and your humor. In the end, there will be times they need you, times they love you, times they hate you, and those are all okay because you will always be their mom and have the biggest piece of their heart!
This is such an important message. There’s too much pressure put on parents—well, the wrong sort of pressure, at any rate. Pressure to enjoy every moment, make every moment perfect but also to enjoy how imperfect the moment is because it will never come again and also are your kids in all the right classes and are you doing all the right magical activities that will launch them into perfect success and happiness as adults? Because if not you are failing in all the most important ways. Like somehow a mom who doesn’t do the baby yoga class is worse than one who smokes crack in front of her kids? It’s so weird to me.
There are a lot of ways to do this thing right, and a lot of ways to do it wrong; if you’re both happy and healthy, you’re doing it right. Well done! (But seriously, hang on to those root beer dumdums… if she doesn’t want them, I DO!)
Nice post, we have little ones and we hear this all the time “enjoy them it’ll be over before you know it”, luckily like yourself we love and enjoy them as a natural state of being.
Love your thoughts on this!
Ha, as an mom of adult kids I always tell people to enjoy their kids – but I usually say “enjoy them while they are babies and toddlers! I love my kids at any age, but it’s definitely a different kind of relationship when they are four as opposed to fourteen.
My daughter is the same age and I felt the same way for a long time. How could an adult relate so well to a 3 or 4 year old. I swear my daughter is so in tune with feeling its scary. I am one of those parents that occasionally needs the reminder to enjoy life’s little moments.
I hate these kinds of comments! My least favorite is people telling me how wonderful this age is (2). Looking with the eyes of nostalgia!