Accessibility Disability Humor

Disabled Parenting Problems: This Might Become A Series

6th January 2019

OK, so. You know when you’re in holiday mode and every day feels like a Sunday? You’re craving a piece of fruit, but you have a whole bag of Skittles instead? Your clothes are tight for no good reason, you’re getting back to your routine, and you’re feeling a little depressed?

Hi. Who’s with me?

Happy New Year.

I previously declared that 2019 will be the year of Shenanigans.

That’s still true, but it’s also the week of candy, and coffee, too many plastic toys in my house.

 This post contains Amazon affiliate links, I make a small commission if you make a US or UK purchase through them, at no extra cost to you. Read my disclosure here.) PS. I’m linking to this particular stuff, because why should I have all the fun?

We spent a week in Edinburgh, driving down with the dulcet tones of We Wish You A Metal Christmas.

We arrived at our flat for Christmas week, and it was suggested that we had enough crap in the back of the car for two kids. No such luck.

The next day was Christmas Eve, and Neil got a haircut and food poisoning, but I was happy with my seafood linguine, and tallied six out of seven fishes.

I spent Christmas morning popping tubs in Isla’s Christmas loot, and picking teeny tiny toys out of play dough.

We headed to my in-laws for lunch, which Neil didn’t eat, but we all put on Santa hats, anyway.

We were kinda stuffed when we left, but I got a text from my Dad that went something like this:

Dad: We’re here. Do you want Chinese food?

Me: I love you, man. Shrimp fried rice.

All the best people have Chinese food for Christmas dinner. Especially when  it’s kind of your second Christmas feast. Just go ask Alice. Alice and I are not related, but everyone’s kind of related at the holidays.

Getting back to my actual relatives, Dad cast a glance at Isla’s pile of plastic toys.

‘Why is everything so small?’

‘It’s buried in play dough and fits in small tubs. It’s called Lost Kittens. Hours of fun.’

‘Huh. Who invented that?’

‘I don’t know. Not parents with CP.’

 

I even put one of the little cherubs on Instagram…

The next day I added to my book hoard with the help of book vouchers from the day before.

Isla went to the kids section adjusting her leggings (how did she get so tall?) and I got lost in thrillers. I was stacking my new books on my lap and all of a sudden I’m following my floating eye. 

Most of the time I’m concentrating enough not to actually follow my eye around corners. I don’t see double, but my peripheral vision is amazing.

And the day after Christmas, out of the corner of my eye, I saw my kid’s bare butt. In the bookstore.

Wait, what?

‘ISLA. PULL UP YOUR PANTS.’

‘THEY JUST FELL. THEY DON’T FIT. THIS BOOK IS NICE, THOUGH.’

I couldn’t drive fast enough to help my kid and give her a wedgie. 

But Neil and and I are a team.

Isla sat on my lap while I paid for my bookmas, a whole two bucks, and Neil drove me out of the store. ‘Merry Christmas, everyone.’

And perhaps as some kind of payback for my parenting mishap the day before, we had lunch at a vegan cafe the next day. I had a banana milk smoothie and some jackfruit thing, while we chatted with some friends.

We left those friends for an actual lunch with more friends.

The pub was one of our favorite places. But I have an issue with it. There’s no accessible toilet. Whenever we go in there, I’m torn between wanting delicious food, and not wanting to spend my money in inaccessible places.

Sometimes the food wins, but I hate myself for it.

And speaking of inaccessible places, we also went to the movies. We had to sit in the very front, where there were two reclining seats about a mile apart. Isla and Neil sat on the floor so we could all sit together. A family seeing a family film.

Now. There is such a thing called a Plus One card. A disabled person pays full ticket price for certain events and the person with them goes free.

However, shockingly, disabled people are allowed to hang out with more than one person at a time, with friends and family who are not paid to be with us, and who do not require a receipt for their records.

Plus One is useful but not enough. Especially in terms of accessible seating when there is a lone ‘regular seat’ next to a ‘wheelchair space.’

What about two wheelchair users going out together, with more than one person who might need a seat? You know, a group of friends? Are we supposed to sit at opposite ends of a venue, any venue, and communicate via smoke signals?

I recently read a piece by Gemma at Wheelescapades about booking accessible seats. I actually have my own Ticketmaster story, but that event isn’t til the summer, so you’ll hear it then. But why is this still a military exercise?

Why did my family have to sit on the floor just so we could be together? Why, when movie rows are the place I look forward to being on the same level, anyway?

Anyway, we liked The Grinch and I’m blogging about it, but really what year is it?

The next day wasn’t much better. We went to a wildlife centre, which Isla enjoyed. I’ve said before that I’d happily be dragged backwards over grass if I get to see her seeing things. And that’s true. I say it every few months, because it happens every few months.

But I’d like not to get hit in the face with some stranger’s bag, and I’d like to be able to pee in a room where I can shut the door, I’d like to not be invisible to people stepping in front of me. And if I’m driving down a hill, I kinda have the right of way and those people can move.

And I gotta say, I’m only contractually obligated to smell the fumes of two people.

Everyone else, try not to blow it out your ass. I’m sitting right here behind you.

Disabled parenting problems

 

More adventures in parenting with a disability over here, and throughout the rest of the blog.

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34 Comments

  • Reply Ritu 6th January 2019 at 1:23 pm

    Oh man… I think, not only a post series, but a possible spin off book!!!

    • Reply Lorna 6th January 2019 at 1:27 pm

      I knew I liked you. 😉

      • Reply Ritu 6th January 2019 at 1:46 pm

        😉😘

  • Reply gemmaorton 6th January 2019 at 2:29 pm

    Yes a series!
    Thanks for the mention.
    I was at the cinema seeing The Grinch too, unfortunately not the same as you. Although also fortunately. Because we mustn’t have friends. So me and the crew (niece, Mum, PA) were first in the screen, luckily this screen has a row of seats with a gap at the end for me. Perfect, we all sit together. But then in comes another wheelchair user (shocker!) and their friend. The only space for the wheelchair user is next to me, the only seat for the friend is at the other end of my gang. The lady sat on the floor with her buddy. Only one wheelchair user can have company. I rage. Sorry for the long rant and takeover!
    Tiny plastic toys are good for my tiny movements, yet still I hate them.

    • Reply Lorna 6th January 2019 at 2:35 pm

      Rant away, honestly. I blog and share for the discussion.

  • Reply Christy 6th January 2019 at 2:31 pm

    Rude, inconsiderate people piss me off. If they step in front of you like you mean nothing, run ’em over. Oops. Maybe they’ll get the hint! 😉 Sorry, I’ve been in a “take no crap from anybody” mood the past few days. Yes, you should start a series!

  • Reply Ellen @ If It Brings You Joy 6th January 2019 at 3:08 pm

    Lorna, your blog is so important. I think sometimes people are just clueless, and have no idea how rude their behavior is. Heck yes! Make it a series! People who are perfectly mobile need to read your writing so they are educated and become more aware of how they might be making it difficult for others. You go girl!

    • Reply Lorna 6th January 2019 at 3:15 pm

      I appreciate your words, Ellen. Although no-one is perfectly mobile.

      • Reply Ellen @ If It Brings You Joy 9th January 2019 at 1:53 am

        Good point.

  • Reply johnrieber 6th January 2019 at 3:50 pm

    Another great post! We had a party and our friends brought their four year old over, who entered the house and promptly took her jacket, shoes and socks off and was off to explore…I can only imagine what she would have done at a bookstore! Thanks for sharing your perspective on daily life

  • Reply thatblogwherecheriemovestogermany 6th January 2019 at 4:38 pm

    Try not to blow it out your ass should be a rule for everyone, everywhere.

  • Reply rachaelstray 6th January 2019 at 5:19 pm

    You should totally be allowed to run stupid ignorant people over! I read Gemma’s ticketmaster dibackle post – it shouldn’t be this bloody difficult in 2019 to get accessibility right!!!

  • Reply Nicole 6th January 2019 at 7:39 pm

    I, too, have looked over and seen my child’s bare butt. We were at the grocery store, though. And why is it that I can buy shirts so stretchy that both kids could (if I would let them) fit inside with me, yet they can’t make pants that will fit both my lanky little and her heavier friends? Makes no sense.

    Also, I pretend not to hear when my kids ask for Lost Kitties. One of those was enough. I am, however, drowning in LOLs, Hatchimals, and Shopkins. Thanks, YouTube.

  • Reply Suzie 7th January 2019 at 11:58 am

    Food poisoning and a haircut? Was that a two-for-one offer?

    I get frustrated when I see how accessible facilities are used by the general public and the trouble that they cause for someone who actually needs to use them… it should definitely be a series…

  • Reply Jon | The Money Shed (@themoneyshed) 7th January 2019 at 12:30 pm

    Wow what an amazing post! Accessibility is such an important thing I can believe half these things are still going on in 2019! Like others have said this would be an amazing series!

  • Reply Helen 7th January 2019 at 1:16 pm

    It’s such a shame that some places are still not accessible or as accessible as they should be anyway. Hopefully things will change soon and quickly!

    • Reply Lorna 7th January 2019 at 1:33 pm

      It’s also illegal.

  • Reply gingeybiteseats 7th January 2019 at 3:38 pm

    Loved reading this, sounds like you had a full on Xmas and some great plans for2019 – your writing style made me laugh! Sorry to hear you had some issues with disability access though – these things need to be improved!

  • Reply fancypaperblog 7th January 2019 at 3:56 pm

    Hiding things in playdoh is a major pastime in our house. Sometimes it works, sometimes it is a disaster and I am cracking a tiny dolly out of hardened month old dough. Or I hear them asking where did tiny Tigger go and I recall the play dough rage blitzing of the precious evening. Oops.
    Chinese for dinner though. Yes.

  • Reply Claire Saul (PainPalsBlog) 7th January 2019 at 5:25 pm

    I actually do miss the days of having little ones with playdoh, tiny toys as stocking fillers and the excitement!! I’ve nominated you for the Versatile blogger award and featured this post on my reg Monday Magic feature – find the award details here: https://painpalsblog.com/2019/01/06/old-year-new-year-and-being-a-versatile-blogger/…….great if you join in, but don’t feel you have to. Cool either way! Claire x (Hope Neil is feeling better – Lucy had it too over New Year)

  • Reply Laura Dove 7th January 2019 at 6:12 pm

    What a great post! I have no time for ignorant people in 2019!

  • Reply Kat 7th January 2019 at 6:52 pm

    Yes! This should be a series and possibly a book, as suggested by another reader!

    On a side note, I have a friends who are little people and they have the same problem with people blowing ass in their faces. One of them has no problem expressing himself. He gets on an elevator and immediately orders everyone not to fart. LOL

  • Reply stressymummy1 7th January 2019 at 9:57 pm

    All I can say is that at least when you saw the bare butt it wasn’t because your child was peeing. This sadly happened on more than one occasion with my son although thankfully not in a shop, but in other public places! This made me laugh, I funny account of Christmas and I totally agree about the plus one seats, that is ridiculous.

  • Reply Tracey Kifford 7th January 2019 at 11:06 pm

    We noticed this at a cinema over Christmas. A wheelchair space next to a chair – excellent … until another wheelchair turned up and then they had to be left alone while their companion worked down a line of seats for a free one. More provision needs to be made.

  • Reply Rebecca Moon Ruark 8th January 2019 at 3:36 am

    Ha! I love it. Oh, I definitely see a series or something coming here. Hopefully, for your sake, with less ass! Your posts are so wonderful. Thank you for being you, and for joining a bunch of us here to be a special kind of holiday family all year round!

    • Reply Lorna 8th January 2019 at 9:16 am

      I think we’re pretty special, yes. But the point is we’re just a regular family. <3

  • Reply Talya 8th January 2019 at 9:18 am

    People can be so rude and inconsiderate! Definitely a series in the making..

  • Reply fashionandstylepolice 8th January 2019 at 12:13 pm

    l love this post. It surprises me when I still see places that are not easily accessible.

  • Reply Laurie Stone 8th January 2019 at 9:49 pm

    Oh Lorna, I agree with others. You have a great book in here. Go for it.

  • Reply ChelseaMamma 9th January 2019 at 5:11 pm

    Oh dear, sounds like a nightmare but at least you can see the funny side……can see a series coming on too

  • Reply Stephanie 9th January 2019 at 10:03 pm

    Oh why do things have to be so difficult sometimes, you should defiantly start a series on these problems, it then might educate others too

  • Reply Popping Wheelies 11th January 2019 at 1:31 am

    Being empty nesters, my wife and I solved the problem of the front row and the floor in movies. We don’t go. You, too, will eventually have wonderful options like this! Do you ever wonder if people realize the perspective from which we are viewing them?

  • Reply Jennifer 12th January 2019 at 4:39 am

    Series! In this day and age people and businesses need to be more accommodating. And food poisoning at Christmas is a horrible gift.

  • Reply Louise x (@withlovefromlou) 16th January 2019 at 11:36 am

    Absolutely loved reading this! You should most definitely turn it into a series 😀

    Louise x

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