Coffee Talk Humor Life

Tipsy At The Toy Store

2nd December 2018

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you it’s been a minute since I last posted, and I’d thank you for thinking it’s because I finished my NaNo novel. I did not. Again.

Congratulations to everyone who got winner badges and I’ll just be over here reminding the rest of us that novels aren’t just for November.

If we were having coffee I’d say that in an effort to actually break a bad habit, my Christmas shopping is half done.

Our Annual Hyphenated Christmas Shopping Trip was last weekend. I planned for a few double-barrelled arguments, but there weren’t any.

Although, I did mange to get hit in the face with a random stranger’s bag.

And I did kind of say I would punch Neil in the face. Once.

See, we have this thing where we go around shops just to ‘look first’. Since we aren’t going to ‘get anything, really,’ we don’t pick up a shopping basket.

Then we see an outfit for Isla. No big deal. It has a hanger, I have a hand. Then another outfit, another hand. Then we see the one thing she asked for from Santa that money can actually buy. I have a lap, and a kid that really doesn’t ask for much, so sale. Then there’s a box of chocolates, they have brandy in them. Brandy is nice. I might need brandy. Box goes on top of other box. Still good.

We find a unicorn. Magic. Unicorn perches nicely on top of boxes. Husband is happy we’re working methodically through the list we actually remembered to bring with us this year. Wife does not feel like a bloody pack-horse. Yet. Less than twenty minutes in. And we’re ‘just looking at a few things.’

We head up to the checkout. Two outfits. Two boxes. One unicorn. And I may have picked up a stress ball along the way.

Now.

They get you in line. That’s where they line up all the crap you don’t need, to go along with the crap you think you need. Oh, look. Novelty socks. A bobble-head. Those freaking dish-towels with the maps on them. I can’t read maps. Go away.

And I swear to you, my husband says, ‘Oh, look. Wrapping paper. It has penguins.’

This from a man who puts Christmas presents in plastic shopping bags and throws them at you. But, y’know, the wrapping paper had penguins. Of course.

‘If you give me one more thing to hold right now, I’m going to punch you in the face.’

I said that. Out loud.

Remember when I talked about my kid having no inside voice?

Well. She gets that from me. Because my voice carried along the whole line. People laughed. With me, not at me. I hope. Wives jabbed their husbands in the ribs.

A woman ahead of us says, ‘Well, that IS a lot. That’s allowed.’

‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘Thank you, though.’

When it was our turn, Neil helped me dump the stuff on the counter.

‘HI. MERRY CHRISTMAS.’

‘Would you like to keep the hangers?’ asks the pleasant ringer-upper.

‘NO.’

At lunch, I ordered the cheesiest thing I could find and ate it right in front of my cheese-phobe husband.

I felt light as air.

I thought about day-drinking.

‘DOOD,’ I said. They have Tom Collins. When does that happen?’

‘On your blog?’

Instagrammed gin.

And so, I drank one. But not before I Instagrammed it. And the last time I took a picture of a gin was on this road trip over here.

I thought we were done with shopping, but I declared too early.

Because then we went to the toy store.

Imagine me, tipsy in a toy store.

I bet you can.

We strolled through, picking up a puzzle and some board games. I like flat boxes.

And then.

‘Shall we start Isla on roller-skates?’

‘No. Too young, yet.’ I said. ‘Can you imagine?’

‘It goes by shoe size, though. And she has my giant feet.’

‘No.’

‘It does go by size, though.’ So said the helpful employee, eavesdropping on our volley. ‘I’ll show you.’

And we follow him. To the skates.

‘THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HELP,’ I said. ‘HAVE A NICE DAY,’ I said.

‘And no,’ I said to Neil.

And then we go to the bookstore. Which is like my toy store.

We separate. Amongst the books. For awhile.

He comes back not looking, and I’m not looking, and we go read our Christmas presents over coffee.

We tool around and then go for dinner and hear a little too much of a drunken, gossipy girl’s night out at the next table. I’m almost jealous.

But when they’re gone I said, ‘You’re not allowed to tell me my voice carries. Ever again.’

‘Cool with me,’ Neil says.

The next day we stopped by some Christmas village thing, where we vowed to take Isla.

That’s the next road trip.

If we were having coffee, I’d say I’m contemplating Blogmas, even though I’m late already.

But I am also participating in Bridge to The New Year, a series of no-pressure writing prompts to set up for an awesome new year. The prompts are posted in the Bridge to The New Year FB group over here.

The first prompt was to share 10-30 things about ourselves, and for that, please check out 25 things about me over here.

Today’s prompt is to reflect on our Word of the Year for 2018, and declare a word for 2019.

I did have a word for this year. But I’ve forgotten what I was. Might have been AWESOME or FOCUS.

If it was awesome, I did pretty well. If it was focus, well. I um, need improvement.

My word for 2019 is SHENANIGANS.

Who’s with me?

 

This post links up with #weekendcoffeeshare and #Bridgeto2019.

 

 

 

 

 

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36 Comments

  • Reply Ritu 2nd December 2018 at 4:56 pm

    Shenanigans sounds like a great word!
    Are you planning a Bash trip next year?? Xx

    • Reply Lorna 2nd December 2018 at 5:08 pm

      It’s on our wedding anniversary this time. Jury’s still out.

      • Reply Ritu 2nd December 2018 at 5:11 pm

        Ahhh… Maybe make it a double reason to get away!!!

  • Reply johnrieber 2nd December 2018 at 5:58 pm

    First, the line from your post that describes ALL men: “This from a man who puts Christmas presents in plastic shopping bags and throws them at you.”

    Second, “shenanigans” is a great word, and does NOT have to suggest nefarious or underhanded…there are many positive shenanigans as well, and I plan to share some in 2019 just to prove my point…now I have to think of some…

  • Reply gemmaorton 2nd December 2018 at 5:59 pm

    I was once piled so high with boxes I couldn’t see to drive. Sometimes that’s better than seeing on a Christmas shop though!

    • Reply Lorna 2nd December 2018 at 6:01 pm

      Truth, my friend. <3

  • Reply Jess T. 2nd December 2018 at 6:05 pm

    Funny story 🙂 I am also contemplating blogmas…for next year. I do most of my christmas shopping online because I feel like I would also buy one billion things in the store. Purchasing online does have its downside too though, I feel like the mailman is always judging me! Happy holidays.

  • Reply TanGental 2nd December 2018 at 6:41 pm

    Hmm. Tell Neil the world will gets its own back when Isla is a teen. ‘Daddy will take us shopping?’ She’s a princess so of course. ‘Can I bring a friend?’ ‘Sure.’ 14 ×14 year olds in New Look. 14 coathangers hanging from my person. ‘Nice says the assistant. ‘You brought the Michelin Man. Is he on day release?”I wish.’ I reply.

  • Reply HistorianRuby 2nd December 2018 at 7:19 pm

    Loved this! Two years ago my hubby gifted me everything that I picked up walking around John Lewis when browsing with him. Not an original thought all Christmas 🙂 I’ve started Blogmas! Not sure I’m sane to do it. It’s a lot of blogging with a full time job and no motivation, but I’ve four posts published or scheduled. That’s 21 days left to turn greyer!

  • Reply fancypaperblog 2nd December 2018 at 7:29 pm

    Yeah for Tom Collins!! Reminds me of mulled wine in Prague. I definitely spent a few days a little drunk at all times on that trip. Becoming the shopping basket on a trip sucks though😶

    • Reply Lorna 3rd December 2018 at 9:46 am

      I love Prague! And being a human shopping basket doesn’t suck when there’s a blog post in it, ha!

  • Reply Jackie Cangro 2nd December 2018 at 10:56 pm

    Ha! Love that word for 2019! I haven’t decided my word yet. Maybe “focus” would be a good one. 🙂

    • Reply Lorna 3rd December 2018 at 9:44 am

      Focused shenanigans? 🙂

  • Reply Rowena 3rd December 2018 at 10:09 am

    Hi Lorna,
    I love “shenanigans” as a word for 2019. Much more interesting than “decluttering”. Bring it on! I feel like misbehaving a bit myself atm. Breaking out, like I did last Friday when I went on a detour to Sydney Harbour after my doctor’s appointment. I presume it was you in wheelchair being stacked up with presents which does seem a bit exploitative to me. Taking advantage of your situation. I might be time to get a disability rights activist onboard.
    I have just noticed the time and realize I need to get on with my violin practice. It’s already later than I would’ve liked but with the concert next Sunday, I’d better get back to Danny Boy before my violin screeches in the midst of a tear-jerking climax and breaks a few hearts.
    Hope you have a great week.
    Best wishes,
    Rowena

    • Reply Lorna 3rd December 2018 at 10:19 am

      I am a disability rights activist. The stacker was my husband. It was all in fun. Unless you’re joking, in which case I need more coffee!

      • Reply Rowena 4th December 2018 at 12:25 am

        Lorna, I was joking. It’s the Australian sense of humour my friend. My biggest shopping challenge is going with my 12 year old daughter who takes off with her own basket and reappears and the dollar signs flash through my head. I did the same thing at the Christmas book sale 2 years ago and spent over $200. I just got carried away and money had no object until I got home.
        Best wishes,
        Rowena

  • Reply Debbie Harris 3rd December 2018 at 10:19 am

    Shenanigans is the BEST word!! My daughters have a thing about them doing shenanigans all the time and laugh like loons every time – they’re big girls now by the way!! Thought your post was fab and am jealous being tipsy in a toy store – great visuals there 🙂

  • Reply Carol 3rd December 2018 at 10:44 am

    Thanks for the shenanigans and fun. Great story! #MMBC

  • Reply Image Earth Travel 3rd December 2018 at 10:50 am

    Looks delicious!

  • Reply rachaelstray 3rd December 2018 at 10:59 am

    My husband is actually ridiculous when it comes to presents – he wraps beautifully with bows and ribbons and everything – I just about wrestle gifts into paper! Maybe he’s an exception to the man rule?! Shenanigans is an awesome word!

    • Reply Lorna 3rd December 2018 at 12:11 pm

      He should do tutorials on YouTube. A million views.

      • Reply rachaelstray 3rd December 2018 at 12:56 pm

        He doesn’t need any encouragement honestly haha!!

  • Reply Angela Noel 3rd December 2018 at 1:48 pm

    That drink looks awesome and I know exactly how shopping for Christmas feels–we wanted to spend just $50 at Target–no luck. That place wins with overspend every time.

  • Reply Dancing with Fireflies 3rd December 2018 at 2:17 pm

    This is fabulous! I’m going to have to keep your blog in my Must Read list! I love it.

    • Reply Lorna 3rd December 2018 at 4:35 pm

      Thanks, Crysta! Glad I found your blog and I’m following you now, too. 🙂

  • Reply Kimberly (@momgosomething) 3rd December 2018 at 2:36 pm

    I think that is the best word ever! I am totally up for some shennanigans…not so much getting punched in the face though! OW! Our mall is getting renovated so the only entrances happen to be the bookstore and damn it all if I have to keep getting stuck in there — ooops! My husband wraps presents in the leftover paper squares and wads of tape. WADS of tape. It’s breathtaking.

  • Reply Snuffy 3rd December 2018 at 2:53 pm

    I’m still laughing…”At lunch, I ordered the cheesiest thing I could find and and ate it right in front of my cheese-phobe husband.” hahahahaha

    • Reply Lorna 3rd December 2018 at 4:59 pm

      Guilt-free, indeed.

  • Reply Beth 3rd December 2018 at 4:36 pm

    Dear God I love you. Shenanigans sounds fantastic for 2019. And so does being tipsy in a toy store. I think I might have to convince Nate that before we go Christmas shopping this year we stop for a drink first, ha!! Gotta spice it up and make it fun, right?

    • Reply Lorna 3rd December 2018 at 4:39 pm

      Super fun, Beth! And kinda of like Christmas shopping bingo, which should be a thing, too. Happy Birthday to Ollie!

  • Reply Akaleistar 3rd December 2018 at 10:38 pm

    I love the idea of NaNoWriMo, but the timing just doesn’t work for me.

  • Reply Charlotte 4th December 2018 at 2:18 am

    Omg I loved this post so much 🤣 this is hilarious. Also getting a bit tipsy while holiday shopping might be the secret to stying sane this holiday season. I love that your husband was distracted by penguin wrapping paper and that you told him you would punch him in the face. Also I love your word for 2019!!

  • Reply Losing the Plot 7th December 2018 at 4:11 pm

    Shenanigans is a great word of the year! I didn’t have one, didn’t know it was a thing. Retrospectively it might have to be stretched but that’s maybe a bit negative- I haven’t got one for this year yet, I’ll have to give it some thought!

  • Reply Mags 7th December 2018 at 5:57 pm

    Shenanigans is a brilliant it’s for 2019. It speaks of mischief and goals!

  • Reply Jayne SMABL 7th December 2018 at 7:58 pm

    Haha! Brilliant. You can’t beat getting up to some Shenanigans! And a nice tipple when out shopping never hurt anyone 😉

    Thanks for sharing with #MMBC. Have an awesome weekend. x

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