Humor Life Occupy My Womb Writing

That Time It Wasn't The Flu

4th February 2014

It was the second day of NaNoWriMo, and I had the flu. I was also late, but every other month that doesn’t seem to matter much. One of my ovaries is shy. Or lazy.

Anyway. I watched the flu episode of The Golden Girls and then sat down to write. And sneeze. Neil was at the gym and I was doing laps to the toilet to pee, between sneezes.

I didn’t write much that day. But I counted. Six times.

I was wearing three layers. And I still had goosebumps.

When Neil got home, I was on the couch breathing from the one nostril I had left.

He raised one of his really perfect eyebrows.

‘Whut?’

‘Have you got your period yet?’ There are no secrets in our relationship.

‘Doe.’

The other eyebrow went up.

‘I’m dot.’

We’d had the same conversation for the past few months.

Later, Neil left to go see some friends, and I hadn’t left the couch. Except to pee. On the way back from trip 11, I counted again. On my calendar. Both of my eyebrows went up.

The next morning, I was as late as late ever was. And awake in the dark. So was Neil.

‘Should I pee on a stick?’

‘I think so.’

There was a test burning a hole in my wicker drawers.

‘What if I’m not?’

‘What if you are?’

‘Let’s do this.’ I hurled myself into the chair, sat down on another seat. I might have peed into a cup I pilfered from Broadway, right after Neil said, ‘Fire when ready.’

‘Really?’

‘Kinda makes sense.’

I did the deed, and then made Neil take the cup out of the room. I didnotwanttoseeit.

And so. He paced. I sat. Goosebumps.

I saw Neil’s feet first. Usually, I don’t like his feet, but that day we were OK.

I looked at his feet, because I could not look at his face. Until I did. It looked different from the other times.

‘Do you want to see it?’

‘I don’t know. Do I?’

He flashed it. And my eyes went from the plus sign to his face and back. In slow motion.

‘Oh, God. No.’

And my husband said, ‘Yes.’

‘NONONO.’

And I’m holding onto Neil, because y’know, I want to. And because I might have fallen off the toilet.

Neil cried before I did.

‘Let me see it again,’ I said.  A blur of blue.

‘Is that a yes?’ I asked.

‘An emphatic yes.’

And then I cried.

And we went back to bed. Where I threw up. ‘Not the flu,’ I said.

We’re holding on. ‘What do we do now?’ Neil asked.

‘Go to Disney World?!’

‘What?’

‘Never mind,’ I said.

We’re holding on.

‘Well, that went well,’ we said.

Join the Gin & Lemonade newsletter!

Subscribe to get a roundup of posts, a writing prompt, and other groovy stuff every week!

Unsubscribe at any time. Powered by ConvertKit

You Might Also Like

51 Comments

  • Reply mylifeisthebestlife 4th February 2014 at 6:19 pm

    I. Love. This.

    • Reply LKD 4th February 2014 at 6:33 pm

      Thank you! Me, too!

  • Reply asklotta 4th February 2014 at 6:32 pm

    With every new baby comes a new blessing!

  • Reply gabi138 4th February 2014 at 8:21 pm

    Wonderful news!

  • Reply KerryCan 5th February 2014 at 12:58 am

    Oh. This is so awesome! Congratulations! Thanks for taking us along for the ride!

    • Reply LKD 5th February 2014 at 6:02 pm

      Thanks for following along! The ride isn’t over yet! 😉

  • Reply mela 5th February 2014 at 5:28 am

    :))

  • Reply thoughtsappear 5th February 2014 at 5:45 pm

    Oh yes…the endless peeing. Don’t worry it’ll go away soon if it hasn’t already…and then it comes back in full force. Yesterday evening I peed about every 45 minutes.

    • Reply LKD 5th February 2014 at 5:57 pm

      I’m 18 weeks today, the peeing has been replaced by heartburn. Gaviscon is amazing! How are you? You’re almost due, right? Lots of love and good thoughts from over here!

      • Reply thoughtsappear 11th February 2014 at 5:06 pm

        Ah yes, the heartburn moved me to the couch many nights, so I could try to sleep sitting up. Esme Kitty was not pleased with me invading her night-time turf. The only thing that helped me was eating dinner super early.

  • Reply pamasaurus 5th February 2014 at 7:59 pm

    Congrats!!! It’s a pretty exciting time. I’m 22 and a half weeks right now, so not much farther ahead of you!

  • Reply thehappymommyprojectarjorie 10th February 2014 at 3:19 pm

    Congrats! How exciting! Those first few months are tough, but it gets better. What a great story.

  • Reply Lois Alter Mark 10th February 2014 at 4:41 pm

    Congratulations! How exciting! And love the story!

  • Reply Louida (@EarningFreeCash) 10th February 2014 at 4:42 pm

    Congrats!!! When I found out I was pregnant, it made me feel sick and confused. Thanks for sharing your story.

  • Reply melcaldicott 10th February 2014 at 5:32 pm

    Congratulations! Boy, what a great story! Linked here from the SITS Girls Comment Love event. Thanks for sharing this life-changing moment. 🙂

  • Reply Lisa 10th February 2014 at 6:00 pm

    Although the flu lasts a lot less time, it’s also not nearly as rewarding. Congratulations!

  • Reply PsiFiGal 10th February 2014 at 6:33 pm

    Congratulations! Great story 🙂

  • Reply Lisa {Amateur Nester} 10th February 2014 at 6:33 pm

    Stopping by from SITS Girls Comment Love… Congrats! Wishing you a healthy pregnancy.

  • Reply Marlynn Jayme Schotland 10th February 2014 at 6:36 pm

    Congratulations!! I love reading your story 🙂

  • Reply Marcia @ Blogitudes 10th February 2014 at 7:52 pm

    Also stopping by from the SITS Comment Challenge. Mucho congrats! This was a very happy and awesome post to read. Loved it! 😀

  • Reply Mamapotamus 10th February 2014 at 8:38 pm

    I couldn’t have had my husband there with me when I peed on a stick because I didn’t trust myself to catch him if he fainted.

  • Reply thesunshinesblue 10th February 2014 at 8:54 pm

    Great writing on this! I loved it! Congratulations.

  • Reply Mandi Welbaum 10th February 2014 at 10:55 pm

    Aww, congratulations!

  • Reply Lora @ Crazy Running Girl 10th February 2014 at 11:09 pm

    Aww congrats!! Love this post.

  • Reply Lyne Proulx 11th February 2014 at 1:13 am

    Congratulations! Thanks for sharing your special moment with us and hoping you won’t have to many morning sickness. Hello from the SITS Girls Comment Love event. 🙂

  • Reply Melissa - aprudentlife.com 11th February 2014 at 1:49 am

    Great story & congratulations! Hope you are feeling better soon.

  • Reply Meghan Riley 11th February 2014 at 1:56 am

    Congratulations! When I tested for my one and only (right now), I got a positive, but didn’t want to believe without confirmation. So, my bf and I drove to the CVS and bought a different test. We’d been trying and I was so afraid to celebrate. By the way, my first symptom was a stuffy nose. It was stuffy all through the pregnancy. People thought I was overreacting when I got a stuffy nose and thought I was pregnant. Well, they were wrong!

  • Reply Just Me aghan (@meaghanmae) 11th February 2014 at 3:10 am

    haha great story! Congratulations, how exciting!! 🙂

  • Reply Mandy 11th February 2014 at 4:09 am

    woo hoo congrats! Amazing news 🙂

  • Reply madisonwetherill 11th February 2014 at 4:54 am

    This is a great story! Congratulations! 🙂

  • Reply Liz Mays 11th February 2014 at 5:26 am

    Oh wow, that made for a great story and one heck of a beginning to the adventure ahead. Loved the way you wrote this. Congrats!

  • Reply TheHouseholdHero.com (@HouseholdHeroMC) 11th February 2014 at 5:41 am

    This made me grin! Congrats I just had my second baby on January 7th! Such a fun but emotional time in one’s life. Enjoy!

  • Reply melissamummery 11th February 2014 at 5:43 am

    So awesome! Our 4th was a surprise blessing. I gagged while brushing my teeth and my husband (who can sleep through a tornado) heard me form 2 rooms away and said “Oh my God”… and we knew. Stopping by thanks to #SITS, so glad I read this one!

  • Reply Marcy Knopf 11th February 2014 at 9:58 am

    I love the way you told this story! How awesome!! Congrats from your SITS sis =) Marcy

  • Reply Melissa @ The Coupon Chronicles 11th February 2014 at 10:38 am

    Congratulations! Loved reading about it. I wish you little vomit and no swollen ankles. 🙂

  • Reply Meg @ The Housewife in Training Files 11th February 2014 at 1:42 pm

    Congratulations to you! Love your humor in this story! Love reading uplifting stories in the morning! Stopping by from the SITS GIrls Comment Love!

  • Reply Mariah Leeson (@Giggles_Galore) 11th February 2014 at 9:38 pm

    I remember that first moment we discovered our lives were forever going to be changed. Congratulations from a fellow SITS girl and best of luck with your new role as a mommy! 🙂

  • Reply Lynda Lippin 11th February 2014 at 9:53 pm

    Glad it wasn’t a stomach virus or the flu! Congratulations. Stopping by from SITS comment love.

  • Reply igottatrythatblog 12th February 2014 at 12:38 am

    Congrats and best wishes!

  • Reply Beyond Beauty Lounge (@BeyondBeauty15) 12th February 2014 at 5:23 am

    Congrats

  • Reply Mez 12th February 2014 at 10:35 am

    Congratulations to you! Happy days ahead! I’m glad I found your blog! Mez xx (SITS Comment Love.)

  • Reply flatstoflipflops 12th February 2014 at 5:55 pm

    Love your style of writing. Love that I could absolutely 100% identify with the feelings you expressed. And CONGRATS! 🙂
    SITS LOVE
    Meegan
    http://www.flatstoflipflops.com

  • Reply markandmayaadopt 12th February 2014 at 10:16 pm

    congratulations!

  • Reply Meg Kra 13th February 2014 at 12:08 am

    I love your writing style. I can’t wait to follow along on your new adventure! Congrats!

  • Reply Meghan 14th February 2014 at 7:02 am

    Congrats! Disney isn’t that much fun when you can’t ride the rides 🙂

  • Reply mryjhnsn 24th February 2014 at 10:49 pm

    Who needs Disney now when in a few years you’ll have a little one to take! Congrats

  • Reply Naomi Baltuck 5th May 2014 at 4:12 pm

    Wishing you all the best!

  • Reply The Bookshelves Are Concerned | Gin & Lemonade 11th January 2016 at 3:29 pm

    […] The old place was interesting. And truthfully, I miss it. It was where I set out pebbles and asked Neil to marry me, and then he turned around and asked me. It was where we landed after the honeymoon. It was where my husband told me I was pregnant. […]

  • Reply Nicole 15th April 2018 at 1:19 pm

    The chills! I had those with Kai. It was my first pregnancy symptom; they kicked in four days after I conceived. In July, so I was the weirdo wearing layers in triple-digit temperatures. I didn’t realize chills with pregnancy were a thing before him, but I see you had them too.

    • Reply Lorna 15th April 2018 at 1:24 pm

      Goosebumps from beginning to her birthday, I tell you!

  • Reply Melissa ❤️?? 3rd May 2018 at 2:02 pm

    Isn’t it lovely when the most profound moments in our lives unfold so comically?

  • Leave a Reply

    Subscribe

    Follow Gin & Lemonade

    %d bloggers like this: