And so, after painting all the pictures and doing all the puzzles, Isla and I went out.
We’ve paved around the house so we can have races and stuff, so there’s that. But we live on a hill.
‘Go over the stones and roll down the hill with me, Mummy.’
‘I can’t, baby. I wouldn’t get back up.’
‘Please, Mummy. Just try.’
Which is what we ask her to do.
So, I tried.
And my heart broke a little. Because Isla said, ‘That’s awight, Mummy. I’ll play on my own.’ And she did. And I angled away for a bit so she wouldn’t see me cry. Because she’s seen it before. Not a lot. And yet.
You can be the biggest advocate, with the filthiest sense of humour. You can shout for a living and then come home and just live.
But sometimes, CP hurts.
When strangers think Isla is my much younger sister, and she wants me to run down hills and get on the other end of a see-saw. That’s when it hurts.
Then you come in and you burst. But then you go on. Because there are trains to play with. And a nearly three year-old face to memorise.
This is how we roll.
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5 Comments
Sometimes it’s hard to “be you”. Sometimes you have to turn around and let yourself go. Sometimes you have to lift your chin, smile whether you feel it or not, and just go on. You have lots of love around you, and Isla will grow up more understanding of people with handicaps than she would without you. She will be a more well-developed person because of you. She knows love, and that matters most.
She loves you regardless because you are you. Unique and awesome, don’t forget that 🙂
But you made my eyes leak a little too!
I’ve missed you, haha.
Very brave post x
Just felt like something I had to say. Thanks for checking in. You popped up as I was reading your blog. x