My Life Should Be A Sitcom

My Dad and stepmother (not officially or of the evil variety) have moved in while they are um, between houses.

I originally planned to write a blog series, a post a day about their stay. That hasn’t worked because I’ve only recently found my way back to the laptop.

Isla is back at school today after a long weekend, and when she’s home she still asks me to hang out with her, SO THAT’S WHAT WE DO.

And so, today.

You know when you sit down to write, and there’s this blank screen? And the house is too quiet?

And you don’t know whether to turn on music, or listen to a podcast, or pretend you’re in a coffee shop, or be OK with the silence?

Yeah.

Also.

You don’t know how small your medium-sized house is until your family comes to stay, and they bring some cats. Their cats, not random cats. But still.

You guys know how much I love my Dad.

And the house was getting kind of quiet with the kid starting full days at school. Except for the two days she was home last week.

So here we are.

You might also know how I use writing prompts when faced with a blank screen.

Well, a recent prompt over at Story A Day was The List.

And that got me thinking.

I love it when my you guys ask me questions. And a recentish question from Christine at I’m Sick And So Are You went like this:

So, why isn’t your life a sitcom already?

Well.

I don’t know.

I write funny stuff, but it’s actually more funny in real life?

We don’t have an annoying but loveable neighbor that comes over all the time?

There’s not enough cheesecake?

It’s another show about nothing?

One of the ways I’ve been de-stressing recently is by watching old shows. Friends with Neil, Golden Girls by myself, whenever I am by myself.

A few laughs, and it all works out in the end.

And I thought I’d take our current living with parents and cats situation, the reader question, and the list writing prompt, and share with you:

10 Possible Episode Titles If My Life Were A Sitcom:

1. Overcrowded House. Lorna’s Dad and Anne move in with two cats. Neil is highly allergic to cats and inlaws and everything. Neil decides to DO ALL THE HOUSE THINGS. Cleans out fish tank, defrosts freezer. All while wearing a mask. Isla follows her Dad around, narrating.

2. Who Brought All The Shoes? Isla goes into the living room to explore the boxes. She reports back that her Campah owns more shoes than her mother. Survey says: that’s true.

3. Who Let The Cat Out? One night after dinner, a cat escapes to the neighbouring field. Yes, field. Everyone is out with flashlights. An annoying but loveable neighbor would be useful.

4. No, You Pick It Up. Dad and Anne go away for the weekend leaving one cat in everyone else’s not so capable hands. Neil and Isla argue about who has to pick up the cat, and point her towards her food. Lorna should have videoed the whole thing.

5. The Flashback Episode. Isla wakes up and decides that if everyone flushed themselves down the toilet, the family would end up in New York on vacation.

6. Discourage Your Daughter. Hour long-episode where Isla and Lorna enjoy some quality time when everyone else is working. The two have these conversations:

Lorna: Isla, put the pen back together, please.
Isla: OK, if you wanna be a meany-pants and discourage your daughter, that’s fine.
Lorna: Here, have all the pens.

and

Isla: That’s it, we’re stuck together. You have to come to school with me every day.

Lorna: OK by me.

7. Too Much Information. Lorna’s Dad offers to make coffee in the mornings, after he learns to use the machine. He comments that the drip of the coffee machine ‘sounds like an old man peeing.’ Lorna politely declines coffee and Neil goes back to making it for her.

8. Can I Speak To A Real Person? Lorna’s Dad borrows her laptop to order something online. The screen is too small. He calls customer service. He cannot speak to a real person.

9. And the Cat Came Back: The missing cat returns with stories of the field.

10. What Year Is It? The family do a puzzle in the kitchen with the Mets game on in the living room. Lorna gets nostalgic, and everyone’s hearts are warmed.

Still looking for an annoying yet loveable neighbor. There will always be shenanigans and snacks.

What’s your favorite TV show? If you wrote one, what would it be like?