If you hang around online long enough, you might meet someone in the comments section who claims they’ve overcome Cerebral Palsy by doing yoga and thinking positively.
Well, that someone is not me, that’s not how CP works, and the thought that we can suddenly be free of it is dangerous.
I said all this to someone recently and then vowed never to read the comments section anywhere again. (Except here, hi.)
That real comment got me thinking, as I do.
And now I feel like sharing more of my opinion on toxic positivity and other useless phrases.
You can do anything you put your mind to.
Well, no.
The part of my brain meant to move my legs with fluid, automatic motion is broken. It’s the same part that means I type 11 words a minute, the same part that dumps coffee on my gadgets, and the reason I’ll call you a hyphenated swear word if you ever sneak up on me.
And so, I can put my mind to figure skating, but it’s not gonna happen.
That’s OK.
And I don’t have to type. I can dictate my words. Or give them to my husband, because dude can type 200 words a minute.
That’s OK.
The only disability is a bad attitude.
Well, no. I can smile all I want, I’ll still have CP. All the positive thinking in the world won’t magic up a ramp instead of stairs.
The world needs more ramps.
I need to walk and knock myself out more to be a present parent.
Well, no. I parent from my chair. I parent so much, my kid thinks I’m annoying. But we also understand each other.
The ability to stand at the school gates does not give you parent points.
I would hate to be disabled.
Well, being disabled is not a shit sandwich. I like my life. My full, disabled life.
Honestly, if you asked me if I wanted to wake up tomorrow and wave a magic wand and be non-disabled, I wouldn’t do it.
My CP is a giant part of who I am. It’s given me my ability to think creatively, my sense of adventure, my sense of humor. My screw it, let’s do it.
Now. As I’ve gotten older, chronic pain is a thing that it wasn’t before. That’s interesting.
And if you asked me if I wanted to wake up one day without my anxiety, I’d consider it.
My anxiety tries to take away those qualities CP gives me.
My body and I are friends. My mind and I not so much. And my anxiety triggers don’t come from being otherwise disabled, so it’s not the same thing.
But all you need is a change of scene.
OK, but I’ve had CP everywhere. Like New York, and Glasgow, and Italy.
Try this astronomically expensive stair-climbing thing.
No thanks. Level access is good.
You’re Superman.
I’m Batman, if you must. But I’m actually a regular person.
You can overcome anything.
I’d rather work with it.
Your argument is invalid.
No, it isn’t.
Disabled friends, tell me what you love about yourself?
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26 Comments
Damn, I knew there was a reason I never saw you and Batman in the same place… 😉
But seriously, a spot on post as always Lorna. Of course, as soon as we complain about this we’re then labelled negative and toxic because we should just shut up and accept it. Nope, no thank you.
I always love reading your shenanigans. I get a different insight from you which believe it or not, helps me as my family moves forward with facing some scary times ahead. Thanks for telling it like it is Lorna.
I don’t mean to sound twee, but you can always count on me. (I don’t mean to rhyme, either, but there you go.) Sending love always. <3
That’s one word I would never call you, twee 🙂 Thanks xx
Daddy didn’t raise no fool.
I know it. I love you, Pops. <3
A change of scene would fix it? Where is this magical city, and why is it being kept secret? Is there a fountain of smart there?
For real on the anxiety, though. I would definitely pack up and move to Antianxietyville.
Telling it like it is, from your perspective. I respect the shit out of that, Lorna.
What a wide open read. Thanks for sharing it all so openly.
They’re kind of all open and out there, though.
I’ve said it about a million times–I am a natural-born whiner. It’s not in my genes to think positively, so I really have to put in extra effort to have that outlook. I do worry that sometimes that effort comes across as Pollyanna-ish. As for toxic positivity, I can’t personally understand how it must feel to have someone tell you that you could “cure” your CP with positivity or essential oils or anything else. But I do understand that the positivity freaks who tell people that they can get over any ailment or disability with a change of mind or scene are doing more harm than good. I’ve mentioned it to Christine before, that my mom lived most of the 17 years she had breast cancer thinking she had a “cancer personality,” that if she had only acted differently, she might have spared herself from cancer. What crap. And this was in the days before social media, which just exacerbates that kind of nonsense. Thank you for your post!
No, this was someone who said they didn’t have CP anymore. Which is impossible.
Oh, sorry. There’s me not reading carefully enough!
Nah, I just use too many words, ha.
A multiply disabled friend said recently, in passing, “You live with what you live with.” She didn’t seem to give it much weight, anymore than if she’d said, “Up is up and down is down,” but it’s stayed in my head since then as the simplest and most profound bit of wisdom. She has learned to live with what she lives with. Not everyone does, disabled or not.
Relentless positivity is basically a lack of empathy… Good for you for pointing that out.
To an extent, but access and reseasonable adjustments is the law. Understanding is good, equality is better. The focus on us to change forgets that we shouldn’t have to.
Excellent post. I get a lot of “There’s nothing really wrong with him,” regarding my autistic son, usually followed by some implied slam on my parenting. And they are correct about the first part. There is nothing wrong with being autistic. They need to accept him for who he is and quit expecting him to be like every other child. Would I get rid of the meltdowns? Absolutely. Because they are so hard on him. But otherwise? Nope. Being autistic too big a part of who he is. Without it, he would be a different kid. I don’t want a different one. I like this one.
Great Lorna!
Hugs from Italy,
Vicky 🙂
Hope you are well, Vicky.
I think I’m well enough to say Thanks God! I’m grandma since december 6th 2020. My niece-s name is Benedetta 💝
Congratulations to you and your family!
Thank you so much! 🌺🌺🌺
Great post. Spells things out perfectly. Xx
Relate to this so much! The number of times I’ve heard people say to heal Crohn’s Disease with yoga! Don’t get me wrong I believe in mindfulness techniques from a mental health point of view, but it won’t suddenly cure my chronic illness. I’ve grown as a person from my health conditions so am grateful for what it has taught me. Brilliant post!
Megan | https://meganelizabethlifestyle.com/
Got to love all the cliches. Everyone has an opinion on everything don’t they?